The Study of Science

Science is the study of the laws of nature. Thus, science must conform to what is known and deciphered of these laws of nature. And, because mankind as we are has no intrinsic knowledge of any laws of nature, science is a fundamentally flawed study in that study can only show slight fractions of reality at one time and cannot therefore profess to KNOW any laws of nature at all; and it is a necessary one. To seek for truth is truth itself.

It may be said with relative certainty that the laws of nature have no concern for what science believes them to be. And it can be said with absolute certainty that nothing is certain. 

So what can science say to the impossible? How can the laws of nature, being sought by science, be confined by it? How can the depth and count of these laws, if either one is even finite, be captured by those who are subject to them? And who is to say that they cannot change? Why can the laws that shape what our universe is not be what they wish? 

Impossibility is not a fact; it is an assumption that is made by a humanity longing for definition. So keep searching, friends, and yearn for truth, but never believe you have found it; for in the desire for truth will you find it, not in its determination.

One Day Until Freedom

It’s Friday evening. Never have I felt the way I have over the past week. With barely any food, I feel very empty. I have always had the ability to plunder the fridge or cupboards for the sustenance I wanted. Without this, there has been a certain lacking within me. And I have perceived that it is not the satisfaction that I desired, but the freedom to satisfy. When my Sunday reprieve comes, however, I feel no fuller. I feel like I have gained nothing. The proportion of craving in my stomach does not decrease, and it leaves me only feeling gorged. And in just a few hours time I am in need again.

At first, not eating did not seem as though it was the solution for this problem. Indeed, it was the opposite. But as I grew closer to the reason I was fasting- experiencing mortality- I found that I no longer longed for the food of the world. I found that my body had accepted the mortality I had forced upon it. The same mortality that Christ felt in the desert and on the cross. I had become one with his suffering.

Then I fell. I took on the flesh once again for the sake of my livelihood. And I tumbled right back into my previous habit of senselessly gorging myself. Guilt and despair along with refreshment flooded my mind. But I lost something. I lost my touch with my own cross. I hope and pray now that I will not stumble again. For the sake of the joy of Easter and your Son’s death, Lord, stay my hand.

The Depth of A Soul

What is a soul? Is it simply another part of one’s invisible being or an entirely alter-dimensional self? Fortunately I can’t answer these questions. But I do know that its existence is the only hard evidence in my own mind that solidifies the belief that these consciences referred to as “you” and “I” are not made only from atoms. Although most of the time I can’t even feel it. It is so hidden beneath my instinctive emotions and indecisive feelings, I don’t even know if it is there anymore. In these moments I feel despair overcome me, and the hope drain out of me. I lose sight of my once noble goals and render them all pointless. My perspective becomes dependent upon the circumstances and people around me. These moments, ironically, seem to come directly after I have just been very happy; but are followed almost immediately by revelation.

Although they are still present, my anger and grief begin to float into the background. The murk in the pool subsides to the bottom after the great storm. I see my reflection. It is immortal. I can see the great span of eternity within it. It is neither the water nor the dirt, but a numinous countenance, although obstructed, unaffected by either of the two physical forms. I can tell that this is no emotion. It is an essence. An element. A consciousness unlocked only by the depth of intricate thought and divine assistance. The water grows clearer. I see not only myself but the sky as well. I see trees. Through this reflection, I see the world behind and above me I never knew existed. And then I understand. This is a soul. Created by none, but formed by and from the Creator Himself. It is you, and God, and nature, and humanity in a single moment. And then it fades. The grime and filth are stirred up by another event within the tangible liquid which claims my attention.

But maybe, someday, I’ll turn around and see the rest of creation clearly for myself, without my feeble body in the way.

Hope of A Lonely Man

I seem happy. I have a family to love, a future for which I can aspire, and many who care for me. Interesting that this comes at the Lenten period of mourning. These two circumstances may, in belief, be in direct correlation with one another. And yet, I perceive darkness. Not in my mind, nor in my heart, but in my soul. It is a depravity I can always see, but barely ever realize. Is it the happiness? Or the contemplation? It should be that I might find this discrepancy along with the sorrows of life and not with the comforts. In any case, I understand that this is a constant depth; one I shall suffer and thrive with for the remainder of my mortal life. I know this, for its very essence is mortality. It is, perhaps, a despair of sorts. In it, I see all sin, all failure, all that is not of God and His good creation. It is, for lack of a better term, terrifying. It is a Hell inside my own being, one that I know cannot be escaped or survived. It threatens to overcome me. Each day, I struggle to fight that fear which inspires my fury, lust, apathy, greed, and willingness to sate my ever-increasing desires. But I am not alone.

We struggle nonetheless. We are not the products of our emotions or our desires. We are not simple-minded animals. We have been saved by a grace more potent and more powerful than perfection itself. This grace was, is, and shall be forever one that conquers all transgressions and betrayals. This grace is one which is summoned by the creator of all being and life. It is one that commands all fates and renders all failures as inconsequential. So we fight with our spirits combined in each other and sewn together by the infallible mercy of God. We fight to witness and glorify the coming of the Kingdom of Heaven. We fight against Satan and demons as well our own temptations, using weapons of faith, love, and discipline. We fight a battle. A real battle. The fates of many souls rest within our feeble hands. Call upon the Lord your God. He shall answer.

Alone

Alone, but never lonely.

I suppose you could say it was my motto.

Sure. I have friends. Good friends. Incredible friends, really.

But they would be the first to understand that my best friend is myself.

Perhaps that is why they are my closest friends; because they always know how far apart we really are. They always know that that is what makes them understand me.

A paradox. I truly love those.

If you would like to know who I really am when none can hear or under my breath or simply in my own kingdom of a mind, you had best find a way inside my head. Because he doesn’t show himself to anyone; anyone except me, that is.

Now an irony. The truth always hides itself from those who seek it, though it never leaves the one who wishes to forget it.

It is he who has shared my darkest moments and memories, and he who humors me when I tell myself one of many funny ideas. And perhaps it is just as well; he is a better keeper of my secrets than I am myself.

He soothes what I call Little Nate (really my father’s idea). Little Nate is the emotional one: the one who always wants to lash out, withdraw, resign, keep still, be indecisive, dwell on fear, indulge, and be something less than what i promised myself to be.

But Little Nate is not an enemy. On the contrary, he is apart of me, and an essential one. Without him, I would be static: always being my best, no matter the circumstances. I would be inhuman, and even unChristlike. The struggle for that ideal self would be gone and all life would cease to amaze me.

No. Little Nate is a child. The child. My child. The one I have parented since first I knew what it was to be good or bad. I was battling and compromising with him before I even knew there was a difference between he and I. And I still can’t clearly see what that is.

At the beginning I lost most of the time. I still do. But I am getting better. I understand him better: what he truly wants and is looking for as opposed to for what he asks. I try to sooth him, let him know that I am here, help him see that he can’t always get what he wants but I am always on his side. Or maybe it’s he that does that.

It must be he because sometimes I don’t let him. Sometimes I just forget. Because the next thing I know Little Nate has control over my actions and feelings. Infusing everything I do with selfish devices and motives.

But there are times when I catch him. And I speak aloud to him when I can: I love you. I’m here. You don’t need to defend yourself. All will be as it should, and this feeling will pass. I hold him close to me as he struggles to assert himself in his delusional hierarchy. I caress his hair and he gradually fades into myself, and there is peace in my head once more.

I cannot stress the necessity of showing strength in the kindness enough, nor kindness in the strength.

Explaining Our World and It's Dimensions

It's easy to see life as though we only had length and width, probably because this is how the majority of us draw, or perhaps a better term may be "doodle". In any case, the downside to drawing like this is that the landscape is often hard for our little stick figures to get below or above it. This is one of the best examples of what it would be like for us to live under these conditions; and if you really think about it, there would be no stairs or even poles, because none would ever be able to go around them.
Lessening the freedom even more, no one ever thinks to draw in one dimension. That's because it's like trying to draw a graph with only the x-axis; there's no fun in trying to do anything in an area with a line as your full spectrum of possibility. Look at it this way: if a friend of yours is on the other side of a paper clip, you are never going to reach him.
Moving on to the dimension of time, this could be compared to the past single-dimensional area idea. But instead of many people on this line, it is one single time unit, never changing in speed as though on a conveyor belt. Now think of that line becoming two dimensional, then three dimensional.