I seem happy. I have a family to love, a future for which I can aspire, and many who care for me. Interesting that this comes at the Lenten period of mourning. These two circumstances may, in belief, be in direct correlation with one another. And yet, I perceive darkness. Not in my mind, nor in my heart, but in my soul. It is a depravity I can always see, but barely ever realize. Is it the happiness? Or the contemplation? It should be that I might find this discrepancy along with the sorrows of life and not with the comforts. In any case, I understand that this is a constant depth; one I shall suffer and thrive with for the remainder of my mortal life. I know this, for its very essence is mortality. It is, perhaps, a despair of sorts. In it, I see all sin, all failure, all that is not of God and His good creation. It is, for lack of a better term, terrifying. It is a Hell inside my own being, one that I know cannot be escaped or survived. It threatens to overcome me. Each day, I struggle to fight that fear which inspires my fury, lust, apathy, greed, and willingness to sate my ever-increasing desires. But I am not alone.
We struggle nonetheless. We are not the products of our emotions or our desires. We are not simple-minded animals. We have been saved by a grace more potent and more powerful than perfection itself. This grace was, is, and shall be forever one that conquers all transgressions and betrayals. This grace is one which is summoned by the creator of all being and life. It is one that commands all fates and renders all failures as inconsequential. So we fight with our spirits combined in each other and sewn together by the infallible mercy of God. We fight to witness and glorify the coming of the Kingdom of Heaven. We fight against Satan and demons as well our own temptations, using weapons of faith, love, and discipline. We fight a battle. A real battle. The fates of many souls rest within our feeble hands. Call upon the Lord your God. He shall answer.
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